I seem to be the type of person people generally trust. My life is a pretty open book, but I will take your secret to my grave. I will listen and offer whatever advice I can. There have been countless hours literally holding someone’s hand while their life has spun out of control, each of us powerless to stop it. At times, for some reason, people seem to think I have all the answers. And sometimes, many times, this is a huge emotional burden. I’ve actually found myself actively avoiding new relationships for this reason.

So, what happens when the person who takes care of everyone needs someone to take care of her?

I was taught to be a “pull myself up by the bootstraps” kind of girl. It did not seem like there were other options. If I ever did have any sort of pity party, I was simply told how lucky I was and how there were people that had it so much worse. Basically, that I should get over myself.*

I’ve found myself feeling overwhelmed, or sad, or scared. I’ve found myself stuck in situations that seemed endless and hopeless. During these times, for the most part, I found myself emotionally twisting in the wind. And, while my rational mind understands that some of the people in my life cannot cope with my issues, my emotional mind feels somewhat betrayed.

I have invested more into the well being of the people who inhabit my world than they will ever know. I have done this because I love them and want them to be well. Would I do it again…? Without a doubt.

We’ll see where this takes us…

. *more on this some other day