Thoughts for today

my dad (taken by 3 year old patrick)

my dad (taken by 3 year old patrick)

I saw my dad for the last time a little over eight years ago. When I left his house that day, I knew I’d never see him again. As we backed our car out of the driveway, I just sobbed from somewhere deep in my soul. I got the call that he’d died late on November 27th.

I miss the warmth in his voice. I miss the out of control laugh. I miss him yelling at the Browns. I miss the knowledge he had about so many things. I miss his delicious ribs. I miss his uncanny ability to give directions from anywhere to anywhere.

The last time I saw him, he said, “Oh Lisa, you’re here.” So, he knew. He knew I was there. I told him I’d see him on the other side. I would be the little girl in the yellow dress, and he would be the young man tending to the garden.

We’ll see where this takes us…

 

 

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Fun (?) facts

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I originally wrote this list in January of 2009. It is still mostly true.

1. I procrastinate. No, really.
2. I might be a bit sarcastic.
3. I have a thing for guys with long hair.
4. I REALLY miss my dad. It has been 8 years since I last saw him.
5. I have never been tired of my kids. Not once. Not ever.
6. I hate my house.
7. Flying terrifies me, but I’ll do it if I have to. Xanax.
8. I believe in God but, have no use for organized religion.
9. I played with matches with Bobby Armstrong when I was five…I NEVER did that again! I wish I could find him on Facebook, or somewhere.
10. I love slutty shoes.
11. I love Queen. Yes, still.
12. My mom died when I was ten.
13. I am not a housekeeper. I have lots of clutter. I am working on this one.
14. I have been married to the same person for 24 years. We are too lazy to fill out the paperwork for our divorce. 30 years…wow…
15. I am the middle child.
16. My children amaze me. Even more now as they move toward their adult lives.
17. On a clear night, on top of my hill, when you can see so many stars you can hardly see the sky…I sit there and stare up at the vastness of the universe in complete wonder and awe. That’s what keeps me centered. This has never been more true.
18. I enjoy the Marx Brothers.
19. I still have my favorite stuffed animal from childhood. You can read about him here.
20. I am trying to learn Italian. This did not work out so well.
21. Please do not tickle my knees!
22. I am a political junkie.
23. I have never eaten cotton candy.
24. I had fuchsia hair back in the ’80s.
25. I usually think the best time of my life is wherever I happen to be at the moment. The best time IS right now.

We’ll see where this takes us…

I took a short trip this morning

In the back yard of the house on Anita Drive

In the back yard of the house on Anita Drive

Early this morning as I walked outside, the slightly humid breeze seemed to transport me, just for the briefest instant, back about 45 years. The sunshine and the smell of the air landed me square in our backyard on Anita Drive. The thing is, I really felt for that blink of an eye, that I was actually there.

It was the beginning of the seemingly endless summer vacation. Long days spent playing with neighborhood friends, riding our bikes, swimming in the neighbor’s pool, or just making mud pies. Laundry was on the line.The grownups sat in the metal “S” chairs, smoking Chesterfield no-filters and visiting. The garden was beginning to bloom.

For one fleeting moment, I was once again the little girl in the yellow dress, and the young man was tending the garden.

We’ll see where this takes us…

 

 

Dad things #1

My dad took me to see David Cassidy when I was eight. I actually remember what I wore. A navy blue jumper that had gold buttons, white piping, and a flouncy red skirt. Under that was a navy and white spotted blouse. A very chic chiffon scarf held together with a gold slide-y ring thing adorned my neck.

I do not remember what my dad wore.

We’ll see where THIS takes us…

No steps here

Granny & Gramps  1976ish

Granny & Gramps
1976ish

When my dad decided to remarry, his new wife of course, came with a family. No kids, but some parents, and a sibling, and a somewhat large extended family. Here’s the thing… These folks took me into their lives like I had always been there. All of them. And for that, I will always be grateful.

At the time, there were no other “grand children”. The woman who married us asked if I would call her parents some version of Grandma and Grandpa. I didn’t see why not, so in short order, Granny and Gramps they became…to almost everyone.

Gramps passed away when I was 15, so I didn’t get to have him too long. To say he possessed a quick wit, would be a gross understatement.

Granny was with us until 2005. She never thought she was anyone special, but she was so wrong. She was perfect.

Granny was a beautiful woman

Granny was a beautiful woman

I could never begin to express how special I was made to feel. I spent most weekends with Granny. That continued into my late teens until we moved away. Even as an adult, when I would visit my folks, I’d spend a night or two at Granny’s place. That ended when she moved in with my parents. I would try to make it a point to spend some one-on-one time whenever I visited. One of our favorite outings was Malley’s, where I would have a hot fudge pecan and Granny would have a marshmallow sundae. Not to mention the Woolworth’s lunch counter, where we would have grilled cheese and fries!

There is so much more I could try to say, but words would never do justice to how I feel about this woman. She was a profound influence in my life, and I will always treasure the time I was able to spend in her company. We’ll see where this takes us…

Not enough

My mom died in August of 1973. By the end of that year, my dad was remarried. Let that sink in… just less than five months…

There was hardly time to mourn. How DOES a child do that anyway? Is it important to keep traditions…Or is it wise to change things up? Is it a good idea to share stories… Or should we avoid “living in the past”?

After my dad married, it quickly became evident that sharing stories was not a good idea. For what ever reason, the woman who married US could not handle hearing tales of our family’s life that included our mom. We were told that we were “living in the past”. In fact, any mention of life as it was before, resulted in a rather large tantrum…that could last for days.

It didn’t take long for us to learn. Oh, someone would slip up every once in a while. Of course, it was thought to have been done on purpose. At least on my end, it wasn’t. I gave up most of the memories I might have had of my mother for this woman. That’s a lot to ask, no? I learned too late, it wasn’t enough.

We’ll see where this takes us…

True confession #1

Spotty getting loved up by his cousin, Sock Munki

Spotty getting loved up by his cousin, Sock Munki

I still sleep with Spotty. He lives on my bed, next to the pillows. Whenever I pick him up for any reason, I give him a kiss. He’s been with me my entire life, so yeah, Spotty is also 51 years old. It’s been decided (by me), that he must accompany me to the afterlife as well.

Deadly sin # 6

IMG_6701 - watermarkedI am at the age where many people are becoming the care takers of their parents. It cannot be an easy transition going from being cared for to being the one who is taking care. For either party. Even still, I am a bit envious. I ran out of parents many years ago.

You know, no one will ever love you the way your parents did. Ever. Sure, I have siblings that love me (and I, them), but it’s different. It wasn’t until I had my own children, that I started missing my mother (d.1973). I really don’t remember her, but I knew, the minute I fell in love with my first child, just how she felt about me. It was devastating.

I am envious, not because of the amazingly hard task many of you face, but for the many years you got to be someone’s child.

We’ll see where this takes us…

Things I miss

Some things I miss (in no particular order) include, but are not limited to:

Sidewalks

Jarts

Tall metal slides

The Mill Race

Family gatherings

City chicken

My Batmobile

Saturday morning cartoons

My dad’s recliner

Teeter-totters

Popcorn from Sears

Oh So (mostly just the grape and black cherry)

The Sinclair dinosaur

Summer vacations that began the first week of June

Going “visiting”

Tree lawns

My dad

We’ll see where this takes us…