I don’t often look in the mirror. I don’t mean to do my hair or make up, but REALLY look. Especially in good light. Yeah. I did that.
Imagine my surprise when I saw the crepe-y skin, not only on my neck, but on my face. When I could no longer deny the existence of the fine (and not quite as fine) lines around my lips (which by the way, are kind of disappearing). My once (naturally) perfectly shaped eyebrows have become sparse. And of course, the dark, puffy semi-circles under my eyes.
I have decided that I do not like being “middle-aged”. I didn’t like being a teenager either. It’s in between. Not an adult, not a kid. Middle age is the in between age of adulthood. Not elderly, but with most of life already passed.
As much as I do not like middle age, all of my lines and wrinkles will deepen with the passage of time. When they’re finished, I’ll be one Hell of an old lady.
I guess today, people are supposed to resolve to do (or not do) things that will, perhaps, change the quality of their lives for the better. Usually, these are somewhat generic ideas with little real meaning. You know…I will lose weight…I will get organized…I will stop biting my nails…I will stop smoking…
For most of us, these “resolutions” are fleeting. We needed to do all of those things all along, but we chose to (mostly) ignore them. Why does changing the year on the calendar bring them to the forefront of our thinking? Maybe, it’s due to the passage of time being heralded in such a big way.
In the spirit of the day, I will share my resolve…
…to remove annoying tags from my clothing as soon as I notice them…
…to shred the shred-worthy mail the day it arrives…
…to wax my upper lip with some sort of consistency…
…to not be forced into social situations that require me to be around people with whom I do not want to spend time…
I originally wrote this list in January of 2009. It is still mostly true.
1. I procrastinate. No, really.
2. I might be a bit sarcastic.
3. I have a thing for guys with long hair.
4. I REALLY miss my dad. It has been 8 years since I last saw him.
5. I have never been tired of my kids. Not once. Not ever.
6. I hate my house.
7. Flying terrifies me, but I’ll do it if I have to. Xanax.
8. I believe in God but, have no use for organized religion.
9. I played with matches with Bobby Armstrong when I was five…I NEVER did that again! I wish I could find him on Facebook, or somewhere.
10. I love slutty shoes.
11. I love Queen. Yes, still.
12. My mom died when I was ten.
13. I am not a housekeeper. I have lots of clutter. I am working on this one.
14. I have been married to the same person for 24 years. We are too lazy to fill out the paperwork for our divorce. 30 years…wow…
15. I am the middle child.
16. My children amaze me. Even more now as they move toward their adult lives.
17. On a clear night, on top of my hill, when you can see so many stars you can hardly see the sky…I sit there and stare up at the vastness of the universe in complete wonder and awe. That’s what keeps me centered. This has never been more true.
18. I enjoy the Marx Brothers.
19. I still have my favorite stuffed animal from childhood. You can read about him here.
20. I am trying to learn Italian. This did not work out so well.
21. Please do not tickle my knees!
22. I am a political junkie.
23. I have never eaten cotton candy.
24. I had fuchsia hair back in the ’80s.
25. I usually think the best time of my life is wherever I happen to be at the moment. The best time IS right now.
Two gardenias. Two gardenias with blue ribbon. Two gardenias with blue ribbon were delivered. Two gardenias with blue ribbon were delivered the day before she died. Two gardenias with blue ribbon were delivered the day before she died, and now she wears them forever.
I do not dust my furniture until I can see footprints left by the cats. I grow cobwebs on purpose. I have seen dust bunnies the size of a baseball in my house. I keep a basket for clean socks in the living room. I do not necessarily put it away when company comes.
My dad took me to see David Cassidy when I was eight. I actually remember what I wore. A navy blue jumper that had gold buttons, white piping, and a flouncy red skirt. Under that was a navy and white spotted blouse. A very chic chiffon scarf held together with a gold slide-y ring thing adorned my neck.
I still sleep with Spotty. He lives on my bed, next to the pillows. Whenever I pick him up for any reason, I give him a kiss. He’s been with me my entire life, so yeah, Spotty is also 51 years old. It’s been decided (by me), that he must accompany me to the afterlife as well.