Monthly Archives: March 2014

Don’t panic…

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…in the middle of an unfamiliar, crowded grocery store.

I’d been to this store a handful of times over the years. As I tried to navigate my way through the produce, it became very crowded. There were too many people. I stopped for a few minutes to gather myself, and as the crowd moved on, I was able to pick up the things I needed.

As I wandered through to the bakery, I felt less dread, but I still didn’t feel quite right. I acknowledged the slight panic I was feeling to my companion and we moved along.

The next thing I knew, I was faced with an everyday decision. I had to decide what would be on the menu this week. I found myself unable to move. The choices were too many, yet not enough. There were TOO MANY people. Tears started streaming down my face. My companion was unsure of what to do. I was frozen to that spot.

After what seemed like hours (I’m sure it was just minutes), I was able to leave the store. It was painful. Each step felt like a million miles. I made it outside, where the cool air was most welcome.

It was exhausting. And scary.

We’ll see where this takes us…

 

 

 

White hot

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There are many things I didn’t understand until I became a mom. One of them is the white hot intensity with which I love my children. To say I was blown away by this feeling, would be a gross understatement.

I never knew until that moment, how my own mother felt about me. While I missed her before, it wasn’t until then, that I really, truly understood what I was missing.

We’ll see where this takes us…

 

Dad things #1

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My dad took me to see David Cassidy when I was eight. I actually remember what I wore. A navy blue jumper that had gold buttons, white piping, and a flouncy red skirt. Under that was a navy and white spotted blouse. A very chic chiffon scarf held together with a gold slide-y ring thing adorned my neck.

I do not remember what my dad wore.

We’ll see where THIS takes us…

No steps here

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Granny & Gramps 1976ish

Granny & Gramps
1976ish

When my dad decided to remarry, his new wife of course, came with a family. No kids, but some parents, and a sibling, and a somewhat large extended family. Here’s the thing… These folks took me into their lives like I had always been there. All of them. And for that, I will always be grateful.

At the time, there were no other “grand children”. The woman who married us asked if I would call her parents some version of Grandma and Grandpa. I didn’t see why not, so in short order, Granny and Gramps they became…to almost everyone.

Gramps passed away when I was 15, so I didn’t get to have him too long. To say he possessed a quick wit, would be a gross understatement.

Granny was with us until 2005. She never thought she was anyone special, but she was so wrong. She was perfect.

Granny was a beautiful woman

Granny was a beautiful woman

I could never begin to express how special I was made to feel. I spent most weekends with Granny. That continued into my late teens until we moved away. Even as an adult, when I would visit my folks, I’d spend a night or two at Granny’s place. That ended when she moved in with my parents. I would try to make it a point to spend some one-on-one time whenever I visited. One of our favorite outings was Malley’s, where I would have a hot fudge pecan and Granny would have a marshmallow sundae. Not to mention the Woolworth’s lunch counter, where we would have grilled cheese and fries!

There is so much more I could try to say, but words would never do justice to how I feel about this woman. She was a profound influence in my life, and I will always treasure the time I was able to spend in her company. We’ll see where this takes us…

Not enough

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My mom died in August of 1973. By the end of that year, my dad was remarried. Let that sink in… just less than five months…

There was hardly time to mourn. How DOES a child do that anyway? Is it important to keep traditions…Or is it wise to change things up? Is it a good idea to share stories… Or should we avoid “living in the past”?

After my dad married, it quickly became evident that sharing stories was not a good idea. For what ever reason, the woman who married US could not handle hearing tales of our family’s life that included our mom. We were told that we were “living in the past”. In fact, any mention of life as it was before, resulted in a rather large tantrum…that could last for days.

It didn’t take long for us to learn. Oh, someone would slip up every once in a while. Of course, it was thought to have been done on purpose. At least on my end, it wasn’t. I gave up most of the memories I might have had of my mother for this woman. That’s a lot to ask, no? I learned too late, it wasn’t enough.

We’ll see where this takes us…

True confession #1

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Spotty getting loved up by his cousin, Sock Munki

Spotty getting loved up by his cousin, Sock Munki

I still sleep with Spotty. He lives on my bed, next to the pillows. Whenever I pick him up for any reason, I give him a kiss. He’s been with me my entire life, so yeah, Spotty is also 51 years old. It’s been decided (by me), that he must accompany me to the afterlife as well.

Things that make living that much better

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IMG_9271Here’s a list (in no particular order) of some stuff that I enjoy in this life. Feel free to add some of your little pleasures.

Tea

Nail polish

Diet Pepsi

Slippers

Cats

Chocolate

Pasta

Fresh flowers

Ceci beans

Hair color

Slutty shoes

Chocolate Chip Pancake Sunday

Bubbles

A few more added by some friends…

Sheets dried on the line

Books

Home made bread

Pinwheels

Naps

Daffodils

Mint chocolate chip ice cream